~Confessions of an idol♥ fangirl~. =)

Hi minnasan~…this post has been somewhat of a work in progress and it’s been one that I’ve been meaning to write properly one day~.First I would like to say *thank you* o(*´∀`)o゛so much to everyone that I’ve been so privileged to have been able to meet and speak with here on this VOX blog♥. Your comments and PMs truly mean so much to me and I mean that sincerely from the bottom on my heart♥~. And I surely wouldn’t be still here at VOX albeit being silly most of the time…(^q^) had it not been for your visits~ and your *wonderful* way of reaching out and communicating here. Aside from one bad period when I was being sent really awful and mean PMs…everything here has been the absolute best and when it comes to blogging I still remember my very first encounter with the term and just how naively ignorant I was of what it could possibly mean..(・c_・;)?”Web-log” and really for much of this blog’s existence I remained quite closed to much of that actual meaning in the sense that even though much of my earlier posts do have personal touches to them, I wasn’t truly writing personal entries until not too long ago but still after my PM incidents I’ve remained cautious in posting them so they’re not readily viewable by the public and I know that my VOX neighborhood is quite jumbled up in confusion right now with my personal settings and I apologize so much if those posts remain unviewable by some.

MorningBerryz blog was originally opened by my cousin and I know there may still be some confusion as to how this all developed over time. When he first opened this blog (I came up with the name though~ ^ ^) my cousin really didn’t have an idea of what he’d be doing with this new venture and sometimes I would try giving him ideas for posts although even together we had no idea of what we were doing (._.;)….I actually still have no idea of what I’m doing ・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。! So the very first entries were solely his writings although he’s deleted a lot of them over time but some of them still do remain in 2006 and early 2007 posts. My cousin did eventually lose interest though and he told me that it just wasn’t something for him to want to continue on with……so in an attempt to make a seamless transition I began posting everything here from the early part of 2007 all the while keeping this blog anonymous in a sense~….as I would purposely write posts from……I guess you could say from a male’s aspect and point of view. Much of the reason for this was that for one, I thought it would seem really really odd (・_・)! if the blog’s style of writing changed dramatically overnight if I really wrote the entries truly the way that I wanted to……and two, even more of a personal concern of mine was just how I would be viewed by others seeing that I’m really in love with collecting and *cherishing* female idol collectibles as in music♪♪~, shashinshuu, photos, videos and other various collectible merchandise~. At the time I was really unaware of just how many other female fans were out there whom also love to watch and collect idol things♥ so writing purposely to not appear as myself was something that I was very concious of doing.

During 2007 I had then met some really *wonderful* friends here on VOX and through comments and PMs I gradually realized that it was okay to be myself and it wasn’t something for me to feel awkward or self conscious about even in an open forum….this blog~. Many were most encouraging too for me to blog personally a lot more than I would previously had done~. There were those that I needed to make ammends with as I had been stupidly hiding behind a fake aura of myself….but everyone here has been so *sweet* and understanding and from that point on I was then able to write freely as I then knew that I wasn’t quite odd in my idol fandom and that it is indeed okay for a girl to love collecting female idol thingies~ (人∀`*). While I always tried to have an honest and humorous side to writing it was then just so much easier to write posts as I knew that I could then be myself.

So this blog has had a sort of schizophrenic (゜ロ゜ノ)ノ personality….with some of my cousin’s posts still here….and really due to my lack of confidence in letting others see me for who I am as much of my earlier post reflect in my writing, but really I think at the very least, 98% of the posts here are mine and all of the J-Pop collections that I’ve been writing about and sharing are definitely 100% my collectibles~ and not my cousins and he actually got into J-Pop much later than I did. I’ve actually asked him if he wanted to delete more of his posts but for the most part I don’t think he really cares too much so they’ll just remain here although again, there’s not too many of them still left. My cousin also isn’t interested in NASCAR or racing really….although I’ve tried to recruit him as a new fan….much to my failure~ (ノロ≦。)!

Okay and now for something that’s been going on with me right now….some visitors may have already read that I’m no longer single o(*´∀`)o゛♥゛ and although it’s still really quite early in our relationship he’s♥ really the most *wonderful* person that I’ve ever met and I’m beyond being gooey in love~ ………(゜∀゜)………。♥ It also means me wanting so much to spend as much time as possible with him….(every breathing moment if I could although that would most likely drive him batty~!…XD) and eventually I don’t think I’ll be able to spend the time that I would want to here on VOX. This has been something that’s been growing on my mind more and more recently and I always felt that I would definitely stop blogging if one, I wasn’t enjoying the experience anymore….or two, I no longer had the time to dedicate myself as much as I would want to (I would just hate to blog sporatically and not be dedicated enough here~ (._.;) ) It’s definitely not the former thought as I still so so love posting and meeting people to share and learn about so many interests out there in music♪♪~, culture, love and just so much in life experiences~…..I do really love being here on VOX. However it’s the second thought that bothers me so much and truly I think there will come a day when I no longer am able to dedicate as much time as I would truly like to here….and it’s really for my new relationship♥ and I know it’s so selfish of me I know…but this means everything to me and I’m really really so much in ~♥~! (*´∀`*) This isn’t something that I feel will happen really soon~…..but I do think that inevitably I’ll so feel this way one day in the perhaps near future. So for now these are sort of like my final writings here……I really don’t want to say when as I’m just not sure of when this feeling will arise me in~. In the past on some occasions I’ve spent maybe 8 or more hours on a single post~….those where I’ve tried to cover an endeared artist/group♥ as much as I can and I just have this tendancy to to want to include so much in the content that I know it’s most likely at times perhaps too much? XD Still it’s sort of in my very nature to do such things and that’s what I would struggle with so much if I knew that I wasn’t dedicating as much effort and time into my writings here as much as I would so want to~. So this has really culminated in me so much recently and…..I just see that by early next year, with some particular special plans that we♥ have together…..I just want to be so dedicated to my new relationship♥ as I feel that this is something truly *special* and I just may never have this ♥ again~.

Speaking of my bf♥! we have sort of an amusing thing happening between us whenever we’re….well mostly in the “J-Pop storage room” as he calls it…(*´艸`)…..we’ll be watching a video or looking at magazines or shashinshuu and we’re both commenting on how *adorable* or *cute* an idol is and who’s more *adorable* until the other day he finally said….”wait, you’re a girl….” implying that why are we both “checking” out girls? and my only thought was to “check” and then tell him….”hai~ I still have a vagina”…(。ーωー。)! He was at first really amazed at how much idol collectibles I own but he truly doesn’t think me odd which is so good…(^q^)! Of course I’m fully aware that we’re seeing idols in a much different light~….he’s probably wishing I looked more like them while I’m wishing that I were one of them~!…I’m kidding!!!!!!…(^q^)! 😛

About MorningBerryz

Lover and free spirit who's interests in Japanese culture and the like are insatiable. I am of pure Japanese/Okinawan descent, love my cats, sleep and am a bit naughty at times :).
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40 Responses to ~Confessions of an idol♥ fangirl~. =)

  1. Congratulations! Definitely spend time with your new significant other and live life outside the computer! It's important when you're young! XD

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  2. Sofia says:

    I love this post, I really do. It's so honest and I can really understand what you mean and the feelings that was behind it. It's always hard to express gratitude to people, I've tried to post about how greatful I am for everyone that's so kind to me on my blog..but it never really turns out as I wish. I think you've done it though. I feel like you're being completely honest, and I think it's a strength to be able to write like that.
    And I didn't know that your brother started the blog, this came as a complete surprise to me..but that's because I haven't been here since the start I guess (or have I, I don't remember..it was such a long time ago). I can see what you mean by your posts becoming more personal though, and I like that a lot. You have a really sweet personality, there is no need for you to hide that ^_^
    Also I think it's important to say that I understand what you mean about the time to blog, Of course I love that you are here and I really hope that you will stay for as long as possible, but "real life" is the most important of course. You should definitely focus on your boyfriend and spending time with him, he seems like a great person (if you like him, of course he is) and you're truly lucky to have found him. I told myself the same things about blogging, that I would stop if I didn't have the time or didn't enjoy it anymore (it should never feel like a job, that's not the reason to blgo), so I completely understand where you're coming from with this.
    Finally: 2 hour make-up, it's the same for me if I'm going out or something. The make-up I do every morning (I'm very self consious about the way I look without so I never go out that way) takes about 1 hour..so I can relate.
    Have a great day dear *hugs*

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  3. Hi MB=)Oh My!….=)These pics are SUPER KAWAIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Do you have any female relatives that are single?…lolHave a great weekend love!E

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  4. Craig says:

    [いいですね]

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  5. *Thank you* Anise & Cloves~…I'm thinking that probably by early next year when we have a trip planned together that will be when I most likely will post my final entry. There was just so much that I wanted to say and explain properly now even though it's a bit early. =) I think I've heard the phrase…."you're not ready yet?" the most maybe of anyone and I'm really trying to be faster but then I think I won't feel right when I go out if I rush too much…(u_u*).

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  6. *Thank you* sophia~…this is maybe a bit early for this post but I just had so much on my mind that I wanted to say and *share*…just things that I felt needed to be explained more in depth than the earlier posting that I did. I'm thinking that I'll most likely leave blogging here by early next year….maybe by March as we♥ have plans to go on a trip together for our first time~. You really write *amazingly* and you capture so many emotions with your words~ so I'm very humbled by your comments~ (*´∀`*). Originally this was intended to be really just a culture and music blog…but I've met so many *wonderful* people here and made so many friends that slowly it became much more comfortable to be open and much more personal in my writings…..not sure if that's always a good thing but I just feel much more relaxed when I'm able to write so freely~. This was all really so new to me at first and I still feel like I really don't know what I'm doing….there are so many much more formatted blogs out there so mine I know is a bit odd at times as I'm just sort of a random thinker and then I just go with things~. =) I just don't want to mess anything up with what we♥ have and meeting someone as special as he♥ is may never happen to me again so I really want to spend as much time as possible and not mess this up by being unreachable at times. Some of my posts when I really want to cover a favorite♥ artist take me up to 8 or more hours to complete and on a few occasions I needed an second day to finish. I'm not sure if I'll be able to be that dedicated in the future and I don't wish to compromise what I'm writing here so in the end I'm just thinking that I shouldn't write just to write, and not be thorough or fair to those who visit~. We're♥ planning a trip together early next year so I'm thinking that by maybe the end of February or by early March will be when I'll stop blogging here. I know this post then becomes sort of too early for me saying such things….but I just wanted to express these feelings that I have right now and not let them get bottled up inside me~. A~h you're much quicker than I am! (*´∀`*)…and even though I have a total routine which is exactly the same each day that I decide to wear make-up it still takes me forever I know…(u_u*)! I'm just thinking that the men we're with would want us to look our *prettiest* for them and a few times in the past with one of my former bfs he would seem really bothered by me taking so long so a few times I just finished dressing and was heading out the door without my make-up quite done and then he would say….."you're going out like that?"…(^q^)!

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  7. Hi E~! Oh I'm actually one of the very last of my cousins that's not married yet (;´□`)! Most of them have children already…..so it's just me the ugly duckling that's just managed to find a loving bf♥~ o(*´∀`)o゛.

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  8. Hi Craig~…I so *hope* for you to be happy for me (*´∀`*) but definitely not sad as that would make me sad (;´□`) too. I know my mom was beginning to wonder if I were undateable =( as I've had self esteem issues in the past and I could never be courageous enough to be the aggressor towards a guy..even if I really really liked♥ him~…(u_u*). I just really wanted to express so many things in this post before I left…but this is definitely a bit early for saying good-bye~. I'm thinking that when we♥ go on a planned trip together which will be our very first early next year in March…that will be when I'll stop writing here but for now I really want to be here so much for as long as anyone will have me until that day. *Thank you* for always being such a *wonderful* friend here on VOX, your friendship is truly unique and I want to say thank you~ so much always~* ^ ^。

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  9. xmangerm says:

    You look very attractive! Second, "I'm sort of like her experiment" is something more people should look into because as long as no one is harmed free stuff is what dreams are made of. For example, Windows 7 beta and release candidate software for testing.

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  10. Craig says:

    In that case I'll dig deep into my heart to get some of that special life affirming happiness just for you!
    You're so welcome forever~♥

    Just 1 thing though, just to say, the internet could still be a welcome addition to your life in the future. Think of it this way: People can live without clothes but it's nice to have clothes for lots of reasons on many occasions 🙂

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  11. I really love your analogy here~ and maybe I will want to still write silly things in the future~ I'm thinking it may be more of a personal blog then…but it's still too far ahead to imagine and *dream* ne~ o(*´∀`)o. Surely a *nakedI* me would not be comfortable so I must find some *clotthes*~ (。ーωー。)! Okay that just slipped out (。ーωー。) ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪~…but I truly know what you mean and I *promise* that I will keep in touch just as long as I can find you~. ^ ^

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  12. Sofia says:

    I can totally relate to having things that you feel like you need to say. Sometimes you just kind of have to get things out, I feel that too. If you felt like you wanted to write this post now, then it's nothing premature about it at all. Ah you're so nice to me, it truly means a lot to me to hear ~♥~.
    Actually I had thoughts like that a long time ago when I started blogging..I thought that I could detach myself from it and just write about like music and tv and fashion and stuff..but little by little I found that I wanted to write personal things. I think it's a really good thing that you did this too, I'm truly happy to have been able to take part in what happens in your life and to get to know your wonderful personality.
    I can understand what you mean by not knowing what you do. I don't either actually, as you said some blogs are really professional and looks so formated and such..but I just write what I think about and that's it so it's not as organized >_<..but I can't really do anything about that because it's who I am so I decided to not care. I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to mess things up with him, I would feel the same as you if I had the luck to meet someone that meant that much to me. Even if I will miss you I still think that of course you should put your enegry into your relationship. It sounds like a lot of fun for the two of you to travel together. It sounds wonderful ~♥~¨.
    Hi hi..yeah well I have used makeup for quite some time, and because I don't really want to go outside at all without makeup I've had to learn to do it a little faster. My friend Michaela, who doesn't wear make-up, still laughs at me (in a friendly way) for taking such time in the morning though…Hai, you really do want to look pretty for the guys in your life, and for yourself of course..That's so mean (!!) of your past bf though. I think you're really pretty without makeup too.

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  13. Craig says:

    Thank goodness =)

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  14. Ohhhh I've never gotten to test something new before~!….but I think I'm most likely not chosen as I'm not very good with computers. I wonder what the new Windows will look like? I imagine it must be very *amazing*!! And it's so true~! getting all made-up without being charged is very lucky~…I just wish that I were as skilled as she is at beautifying~. *Thank you* so much xmangerm…and you can see just how much work it takes to make me look decent~! ^ ^

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  15. *]hAr0ld[* says:

    good luck to your new interest,:)wish you all the best thanks for the song but im still expecting that you will remember to pm me when you see a new song of nana chan:) amm btw. I like the one w/o make up ur still beautiful,:)bbye,:)enjoy!:)

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  16. Risuzu says:

    I'm very happy for you. I hope the two of you have a long happy life together.:)

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  17. chocobliss says:

    OH GOOD LORD!
    What a load off of my chest! LOL
    I swear I thought something was a little different since the summer, and I have to admit I was a little worried at first. However, I had been more busy with work and my new hobby since the beginning of the school year, and as a result have been skimming your entries more or less and therefore did not notice any mention of you officially running around with the opposite sex.
    But now I can relax! It's LOVE! This is probably the most exciting entry I've ever read here. I love love so so much! And I'm so happy you're in it! And with someone who can share your interests in Jpop no less! That is so awesome! Whatever you decide to do, go for it! But I agree with others that you may not wanna close your blog, 'cause every now and then you might need somewhere to let out your fanatical behavior. I've kicked around the idea of starting a blog a few times, cause no one around me is a fan of Jpop. Just a thought, only for yourself.
    Yay for love!
    Also, my daily make-up takes 15 min. max. And phooey! You look very 'decent' (is that what we're calling it now? lol.) without make-up. If I looked as 'decent' as you without, my daily make-up would = 0 make-up.
    'Decent'. Shame on you.

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  18. Tsuji_Eriku says:

    SUCKS FOR US!I'm sorry but I read your post & I wanted to come up with something good to say but the spoiled little boy in me screamed out what he felt inside, just like when I was a little boy & I was denied something I wanted…I threw a little tantrum =)*************************************MB, this little corner of cyberspace you created was an oasis for English speaking fans of Japanese pop culture & entertainment. When the day comes that you finally do stop your posts, it will suck no doubt, BUT I am very happy that you found someone special to share your life with. So forgive the little Tsuji inside of me for the inappropriate & rude outburst at the beginning of my comment. =)

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  19. A~hh when I first started to write blog entries I wasn't really sure what a blog was actually for…but as I began seeing other blogs here I realized that really most blogs are written as personal journals in a way~. As explained here it was difficult to even imagine doing that at first but over time I've learned to be more open about myself. Thank you so much!!….it means so much to me to hear you say this o(*´∀`)o゛! And I think you write much better!!…I just tend to write about silly things…(^q^) omg when it comes to being random that's really me too! I don't thing there's any rhyme or reason here~….and definitely no format to speak of. XD Sometimes I wish I could write a much more organized blog but I don't think that would go very well (・_・). While we already know pretty much everything about each other I just want to be very dedicated to him and since it's still so early and there's still about 5 months or so left….there's still time to write about all of the things that I have planned in my mind at the moment by then I think~. =) I've actually had someone say to me that they thought I was someone else without any make-up…(^q^). I think my eyes probably benefit the most from using a liner as I was born with very very plain eyes. I think you're so lucky that you've learned to get ready much quicker!!….I'm just a mess and it takes so long! ( 」´0`)」You're much too sweet! ^ ^

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  20. o(*´∀`)o゛….I think I've known you about the longest here on VOX? and even if I don't blog anymore I would still love to keep in touch~.

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  21. *Thank you* so much Harold~!..it's still about 5 months before I do leave so I know that all of this is quite early for me to say but I just didn't want to keep every thing bottled up inside for that long~. =) I'll definitely be looking forward to any new releases by Nanachan as I'll always keep supporting her with her wonderful music♪♪~. Oh you're so *sweet*! o(*´∀`)o゛

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  22. *Thank you* Charmy~! o(*´∀`)o゛My whole life seems so different now~ and thank you so much for the well *wishes*! I so wish for this too~! (*´∀`*)…and I definitely *feel* he's the one♥…I'm so so sure of it. I'm so sorry that I'm not in chat very often (;_;) and I really wish that I had more time to be there as it's always so wonderful to speak with *friends*~ freely. I'm not leaving until most likely the latter part of February so I'll still be here for awhile too~. ^ ^

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  23. He's♥ just not like anyone I've every met before and the only thing that saddens me is that we've known each other since we were little~…and only now he confesses…( ̄▽ ̄)! Of course it's just me being selfish….but knowing each other for all of these years really did make us getting together so much less awkward and I think we really did skip that *feeling* entirely~. I could really *gush* on and on about him ヽ(。´▽`。)ノ。 but I'll restrain myself here…(^q^)! I've thought about that too~…and I really do have a fanatical side don't I! XD I'm just not sure how much I'll be able to post then but I'm really going to try to post as many of these ideas in my mind that I have before I leave~. I think it would be *wonderful* if you started a J-music blog! Everyone can share such a unique look into what we all love~ and surely with your *sweet* personality it would be engaging to read~. A~h I've just always been seen as the 'ugly' duckling here~…so it takes a lot of extra work for me to look somewhat attractive. I think having things said to me have really made me believe them too…but I am happy with me~ but just not so sure of how others see me. I so wish I could be ready much quicker!!…but make-up and me are still sort of a work in progress~ o(*´∀`)o゛. *Thank you* for always being so sweet~! ^ ^

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  24. Hi maiZe~!,I've really thought about this for a long time and even much more recently…there's surely so much more that I want to write about here before I leave but in these next 5 or so months I think I'll be able to write most of it…maybe not all of it as my mind may be a little bit too crowded with thoughts for posts which must be abnormal I think…(^q^)! And I just think that there are so many wonderful blogs out there that this little one won't be missed very much. VOX for me has also been so much like a revolving door with *friends* I'm lucky to have met here….they always change though and it makes me sad when I no longer am able to speak with them here~. I also wonder if the language barrier or needing to sign up to speak to me is a turn off…but as I realized earlier there's just too much here for me to want to ever move. I also have been writing more personally here but I'm not sure if some may dislike this…I don't know quite what I'm thinking..sorry. And that's so true…it's still so far away and feelings can change over time…although I'm 99% sure that I will leave here early next year~. I'm just thinking that if I don't write often enough that this blog will just die (;´□`)…..and if I'm unable to answer posts from visitors left here in a timely manner I'll really not like myself for that~.*Thank you* so much~!…I've just never felt this way about anyone before and he's just so *sweet* to me that I'm even feeling a bit guilty at times…like I'm wondering if I deserve to be with him♥. maiZe you're one of the very sweetest and thoughtful *friends* that I know~….any guy would be so *lucky* to be with you! o(*´∀`)o゛A~h I did here about Justin Henin!! I think it was on the ticker while I was watching the news~… =)! The Womens' tour really misses her and just seeing Kim Clisters return and win the U.S. Open must be so inspiring to her! And Henin really does play so differently from the other players….she's so much all over the court which is so much more exciting to watch I think! I really think that she can be #1 again~..she's still so young and I'm very much sharing in your excitement!! \(^o^)/☆ I'm so looking forward to the Australian Open too! ^ ^

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  25. Oh no Tsuji-kun I would never think you rude ever! (*´∀`*) Just meeting you here recently I know what a *wonderful* person you are…you have such a fun and cute personality and you're always so friendly~ o(*´∀`)o゛. It's still so far away that I'll be leaving here and I'm really going to miss so much all of the *friends* that I've made over my time being here on VOX~ (;´□`). Your words here really mean so much to me and you're making me not want to leave (;_;)…but I think so much new will be happening then for me personally so I really should leave but I will miss every thing about writing a blog truly. =( *Thank you* so much Tsuji-kun for sharing in my happiness~♥…it means so much to me truly! o(*´∀`)o゛♥

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  26. Sofia says:

    ^_^ I was pretty much the same. I started my very first blog when it began to be popular (on another site, that I abandoned because it's wasn't very good) and I didn't have a clue what to actually put there ^o^. In a way I'm a quite extrovert person I guess, because I've always put personal things in my blog. But I still gt what you mean and I'm happy that you did open up finally. Oh you're welcome, and thanks (!!!!) back..I'm glad that you like my writing, it warms my heart to see you write that.
    I like random! I think the random posts in a way are the most honest ones. Because when you just write, without really thinking about it..that's when your true feelings come out. Formatted blogs look really nice but I could never really do that as I would have to think to much when I write…and that'w not how I do it ^o^…I think it's absolutely great that you want to be dedicated to him, relationships needs to be taken care of to grow and blossom and I'm sure yours will…Hai, there's still 5 more months and I'm looking forward to a lot more great posts ^_^
    That's a little strange. Me without make-up, I could see if someone would say that (because I look really pale and my eyes look really small)…but I don't think you look that different. Ah..I see, I think that way about my eyes too. I tend to use quite a lot of eye make-up for this reason. Hi hi, yeah I suppose I am quite lucky…if I wasn't as "quick" as I am I would never be able to leave home in the mornings. You'll learn to be quick too, I'm sure of it ^_^

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  27. You really do write so much more naturally with personal posts than I do…I'm really still so awkward I know but I usually just type and type even though it sounds more like a conversation or then really random thoughts will suddenly come up and I'll get sidetracked so much…(/∇\*)!I'm now thinking more and more that a blog really should or maybe I should say can be so much for personal things~ and just a way to express them freely~. =) I wonder if I'm an extrovert too?…although in person I'm much much more shy (*´艸`)。That's really true for me too~ I would be really bad at keeping things in order or having any true format to follow….it's just that one day I'll feel like writing something so unrelated and possibly nonsensical and then the blog would be so so odd. (・_・). What's so *wonderful* is that he always wants to see more of me~..um that may not sound right as to what I was thinking but he really cherishes our time together as much as I do and it's really sweet♥ as we usually know what each other is thinking o(*´∀`)o゛♥! I really used to wish that I had doubled eye lids~ because I thought they would be *cuter* and in ways more *expressive*?…but with the right eye make-up I've come to be okay with the way my eyes look…I just sometimes look so sleepy ( 」´0`)」 I think when I don't have any eye make-up on. I do wonder if I'm being overly self conscious and that's why it takes me so long to get ready…but then on a lot of days I'll go out without any make-up on and aside from *friends* saying some funny things about me (ノロ≦。)!I'm really comfortable that way I think. I definitely would like to be quicker though for sure~ and then I wouldn't need to wake up so early or set aside so much time prior to going out in order to get ready all the time. ^ ^

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  28. Sofia says:

    Oh thanks a lot for saying that! But for the record I really like your random ramblings and sidetracks..it gives me a feeling of true senserity. I think that when we do that, what's really on our minds come forth. I think that yeah, most blogs perhaps are for personal things first and foremost..but then again they are our personal "property" and so whatever we feel like writing about is rigth. Hm..i think it's difficult to know about oneself if you're extrovert or not. I'm a little shy with people when I meet them the first time, but after I've talked to someone…I'm not anymore XD
    That's so true! If everything was completely ordered, then you could never let go and just write what you felt like. If the blog's messy (like mine), then it's not a big thing if there is an extra strange post in the middle of everything. ^o^ He he…well it might not sound like exactly what you were thinking, but I get what you mean. It sounds really wonderful to have someone to share that kind of time with.
    Ah…yeah I've heard that a lot of people with asian heritage think like that actually. I suppose it's easy for me to say though, but I think that everyone should be proud of their unique features. Personally I think that it's real pretty with eyes like yours (I guess it's a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"). I suspect that it has to do with being self conscious, yeah…I'm the same when it comes to clothes, I twist and turn in front of the mirror a million times before I decide that something is good enough. It's good though that you're comfortable to go our without makeup, I have a hard time doing that. Yeah I think like that too, that it would be good to be a little quicker in the mornings and before you go out ^_^

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  29. Ahhhhh my dearest MB 😀 It's great that you've found someone! I wish the best for both of you! Just make sure you learn more recipes so you can make his stomach happy haha.Hmmm. I wish I had wiser words to help you in your situation but unfortunately I don't however. Just do as you please. Sure, I'd love reading your posts from time to time to check on how you're doing coz you dont go into our "treehouse" that often. But it's also important that you get out with your other half and enjoy being together. Do what you love MB, no one is forcing to do either…I guess the best thing is to look for balance? But I know even that is difficult. And you do look amazing with and without make up :D.Take Care~

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  30. A~h….that was most likely a very strange thing for me to ponder on…(^q^) I'm really not very outgoing though and I get so overly nervous in front of others if I need to do something~. I still remember getting so literally shaky (*´艸`)!!in school when we were required to speak in front of the class with a project by ourselves…..and then it's so embarrassing as I know just how visibly nervous I was (ノロ≦。)!I also tend to *blush* bright red so that doesn't help much either. XD I guess I do post so randomly here….sometimes you just have something on your mind so much and even if it's silly or trivial and of no interest to anyone else most likely…..I'll still write about it (人∀`*)。Hmm…lol he probably already *knows* much too much about me and he's definitely seen every part♥ of me so we really don't have any *secrets*~ (*´∀`*)。I've never been able to be this *open* and honest with anyone that I've dated before…..it's just so different between us as opposed to other new relationships that I've had…albeit I have dated very very few guys. You definitely have a *wonderful* connection with your readers and you can see it in how they comment♥….it's really wonderful to have known you this long on VOX~! My bf♥ was just teasing* me about my eyes and just how little eye lashes I have~! (+_+) but he says that he wouldn't want any single part of me to be any different including this funny birthmark that I have on the back of one of my thighs…..growing up most of my friends thought it was a bruise but as it never went away it did make me self conscious of it, just knowing that others may be staring at it wondering if I'm accident prone…・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。 !I bruise way too easily and it looks so awful and more so because I'm so pale~. :/ Most people that I see in my neighborhood are quite used to seeing me without any make-up but every so often I do run into a friend whom I haven't seen for awhile and they sometimes do a double take on me…..like is that really what you look like?…(^q^)!

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  31. Hi SB~!…hai~ I'm so determined to learn to cook so much better…honto ni gambarimasu~! \(^o^)/☆!!*Thank you* so much…I really take your words to heart♥ o(*´∀`)o゛。。。and while this is difficult decision for me to make I think I'm doing what will be best for our relationship~. Gomen ne~….I should be in our treehouse♥ much more often ne~ (._.;).Maybe if I'm not online too much with my personal life taking much precedence is okay?….I'm trying to think of the balance you mentioned. Still it would seem so neglected here…I'm just not sure how visitors will truly feel about this if I only were available very little in the future but I still remained here. ??? I will miss being here…You're very *sweet*~! o(*´∀`)o゛

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  32. Guldari says:

    This is more difficult than English examination! @_@ 長い!I can not analyze all parts, but I can feel your effort to your blog.I remember when I know you.I connected to this blog accidentally during Internet surfing.It has already been work 3 months ago.I think meeting you is 'good luck.'You are very kind, and my foreign language ability seems to be improved if is having a conversation with you.To front, I will expect your 'nice' posting!ja, O Ya Su Mi! (The Korea is night now, but I don't know what time Hawaii is!'ㅅ';;)

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  33. A~h sorry!…I tend to ramble on for really long periods of time~ (人∀`*)。。。I can really get lost in typing out my *feelings* sometimes and before I know it it's like omg I've written too much! XD Time really goes by so quickly ne~…wow 3 months already?! I'm really *happy* you found my blog o(*´∀`)o゛….and I wonder if others find me accidentally too and then wonder….what is this?!…(^q^)! I'm so *happy* to hear you say this~…thank you for finding me~! This is very *sweet* too~!..I hope you can learn so much more each and every time we speak! Hmm…I'm wondering if my "Hana yori dango" clock which is on the right side below the penguins♥ and flags displays our Hawaii time when other visitors see it? It may show the time here maybe…I'm not really sure but if it does we can see how far apart our time zones are~. =) *Thank you* for your sweet and encouraging comments always~. ^ ^

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  34. Sofia says:

    Hi hi…not strange at all compared to some things I tend to think about (belive me, sometimes I confuse myself with my messy thoughts)..Ah, well a lot of people get nervous like that, I had people in my class when I was younger that simply refused to do it. I've always liked it, because for a short while it's all about me..>_< I'm a bit of a narcissist I think (or know rather). I'm like that too! Some post I just feel like I have to write without really thinking about if anyone'll read them or not.
    That's so great! It's a wonderful thing to be able to have people in your life that has seen all parts of you and that you don't feel like you have to hide anything from. I'm glad that you're found someone that you can be that open with, open-ness (is that even a word?) is very important in all relationships. At least that'w at people say ^o^, having never had a bf myself perhaps I shouldn't say to much about it. Ah thankyou so much! Really. I'm so happy to have been able to form bonds with so many people here and especially to have gotten to know you…you're my best friend here on Vox.
    Awww….that's so sweet. He's really nice to you, which you deserve too! He he I guess we all have those things on our body that we're self consious about..it's then we need people on our life that's good to us and tells us that it doesn't matter ^_^ I bruise quite easily too, and since I'm pale to…it's not a pretty sight at all. Ah yeah it's the same for me. Even though I'm quite addicted to make-up of course I don't put it on to go to the supermarket (which is like 2 minutes from my home)..so I recognize that feeling of running into someone and be like *hides behind a bag*…hiiiii, I'm reeeeeeeal busy..bye!…ha ha or something like that.

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  35. I really wish I could be as confident as you are…I just don't think I'll ever be comfortable being in front of others all alone…I just shake uncontrollably and it's really so embarrassing…(*´艸`)。I post so many random thoughts…..a~h I wonder if anyone wants to read them really…but I guess I'll continue to do them just because it's really who I am. =)We're so open and comfortable with each other that at first my mom was a bit worried about me due to her coming home a bit too early one day (>_<); and thinking that I was moving too quickly..but shes' since truly seen just how much we really love♥ each other~ and how much he truly cares for me~. We've just known each other for so much longer than even our relationship now and in so many ways our relationship seems so much more mature~. Communication and being able to be absolutely open with another always is so important in any relationship and I'm just so *happy* that we're able to be completely open with one another even so early in our relationship~ ^ ^。 We really are best *friends* and we've known each other for so long too ne~…I feel so happy to have met you too here~ 'best friends'..I'm so *happy*~! o(*´∀`)o゛。I have so many imperfections on me…not only am I know quite quirky…(^q^) but physically my funny little birthmark is only one of many things which I'm so self conscious about (._.;)…but happily our loved ones can look past these ne~ (*´∀`*)。 Ugh! they just stand out so much more ne~….being fair skinned and they take so long to fade so sometimes I don't wear shorts or skirts for awhile….although on some days I leave them visible and just hope that no one sees (*´艸`)。A~h there's a market so close to me too~! I could actually walk but I think my arms would hurt if I needed to carry my groceries back home…I'm really weak that way (人∀`*)!I so know the feeling!…and in the past if I bumped into a guy that I thought was *cute* I would totally try to hide if I weren't wearing any make-up..but I've never really been successful as I'm always noticed and then it's like hello~….while he's probably thinking…omg this is what you look like?! (ノロ≦。)!

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  36. Sofia says:

    For what it's worth I think you could be. It's difficult, I know that, because I have things like that I need to work with too (I think I feel about the same trying to talk to a good looking guy as you do talking in front of a lot of people), but it's a work in progress ^_^. Hi hi…I think like that too sometimes when I post really odd stuff, but just as you said I'll keep on doing it because being totally random from time to time is who I am.
    I can understand that your mother saw it like that, because mothers are over-protective and always worried about us…but I'm glad that she was able to see how great really is. It's a great thing that the two of you have known each other for such a long time I think, it's a wonderful feeling to have people in your life that you feel like you can be completely yourself with. All relatioships like that, romantic ones or friendships, are worth cherishing I think.Me too, I'm so happy to have met you here. It's wonderful how the internet makes it possible to form friendships from such different corners of the world. You're such a kind and wonderful person. Arigatou to Vox for brining so much people together I guess ^_^
    I think we all notice all own so called "flaws" a lot more than anyone else does, and we kind of get stuck on them and feel really bad even though it's actually nothing. Hai, it's so great that our loved ones doesn't think like that. Yeah they really do stand out so much more! I tend to bump into things a lot when I'm not quite sober, so the day after I've been out with friends I always look like…well not great.Ah I know what you mean. Carrying groceries is so much work (!), I usually think that I'm quite strong but when it comes to that I'm like…not he he. >_<, I so recognize that situation..somehow you always end up that much more visible when you try to hide..why is that? My friend told me one day, when we were at lunch and I thought that I was really brave for going out without any make-up (because we'd been out the night before I and I was tired).."you're the only one that's thinking about it"…and perhaps that's true, but still I think like you do.,.that if someone sees me they will be like..okay, so that's how you look for real.

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  37. It's so much the same ne~…I'll freeze inside in both situations and my heart wants to jump out of my chest (+_+)…I don't know if there's much hope for me but you're so lucky to be comfortable speaking in front of others (*´∀`*)。I think it's so much a *blessing*! We were "only" *kissing* but I don't think it looked very good to my mom…(u_u*)..my only hope was that she's known him from us growing up together but still I know it must have been a bit much for her to have seen. I really should have said something earlier about how serious we are about each other but it's just something so awkward for me to say….I'm just always wondering how she'll react although I do know that she'll be supportive of me but still…it's like ugh! (+_+)!Arigatou ne~ o(*´∀`)o゛。。。you're the sweetest and kindest~! I'm so *happy* that we can share so much with each other and I'm truly a better person for it…I owe a lot to your friendship~. And I can't say thank you enough to VOX~…I've met so many *friends*I here and although some have come and gone over time I really have cherished meeting everyone here so much♥. Let's try to get less bruises ne~ and be so much less clumsy although I speak for myself so much more I know~ XD! I now have this little bruise on my left shoulder and I have no idea of how it got there…..like I did something odd in my sleep? (._.;)!! I wonder if there should be a photo of myself next to the definition of accident-prone in the dictionary?…(^q^)! I'm like….ugggh!!! the day after and I tend to fall asleep with my make-up on so it's all very very bad! (ノロ≦。)!I think you would beat me in arm wrestling….a~h! I have no idea why I'm even thinking this :P…..I'm just sooooo weak! and I'm constantly reminded of this everyday in life~ (>_<)。I think you're friend is really right~…but it's so just difficult to not be so self conscious of how you look to others…..somehow I don't think I can ever truly change though in those circumstances. ^ ^

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  38. denadel says:

    First now i got to read this post. Remember i asked you why you were leaving?, I think I somehow found the wrong post or something..

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  39. A~h I'm sorry for the confusion as I know I has written a previous post about leaving but it was for very different reasons back then (;´□`)*Thank you* so much denadel~!….your well wishes mean so much to me and I really do enjoy so much speaking with you here about so many of our same interests~ o(*´∀`)o゛

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